This isn't every day. Some days I wake up scared of new things. Scared of looking like a fool. Scared of disappointing people. Sad to see treasured features of the life I've known the last five years wrapping up to a soon coming end. Scared of the turns ahead in the future obscuring the landscape to come.
But today I'm thankful to rest in the knowledge that my Jesus is already in that future. Literally. The God that holds me now is already holding me then. If my whole life is about glorifying Him and serving others, I can have no fear of meaninglessness. If he is my deepest joy, then all other joys are blessed but not foundational. To lose them would ache but not destroy. If He is my Light, then I can have no fear of utter darkness: that sort of unknown which saps courage and drains hope. All facts which define my ultimate destiny are already known, embraced and incapable of changing. There is comfort.
So today? I got to lay aside those fears for a time and just live. I got to teach children I have already come to love so deeply. These are my kids. I can't wait to watch them grow up and help them smile and work hard and love each other. And if I can even show a few of them the life changing love of Jesus, it would fulfill my deepest hopes and prayers.
Today I got to hang out with one of my pedagogy mentors and learn how to make pinky and thumb houses and "slidey poles" for development of little bow holds. Today I got to watch a little one play her first notes on a real violin. Today I got to hit the gym with one of my best friends, Faith Lau, and laugh our way through exercises to strengthen our week musician backs and core. Today I got to unexpectedly spend the evening studying and eating tasty food with my favorite man. Today I smiled a lot.
I've got a hunch I'll smile a lot tomorrow too. But if I wake up and find tomorrow to be "one of those days" I've got more than a hunch that I'll also find the same God present in that day. And He will be my Savior in that situation too. And though days will come when I can't form a smile on the outside, I need not truly fear. My hope is secure. And heaven is nearer than even I can hope. May we be faithful and hopeful till that day.
Snapshots of these days...
Braving this week's crazy cold weather :P Negative 30 degree wind chills are not my favorite.
One Bow hold at a time...
Time to cook on Sundays
My own faculty mailbox and master key. Feeling official :)
My first bow attempt at pinky and thumb houses.
Making business cards in studio administration.
Spending time at my favorite spot in the Midwest with my adopted sisters.
Free Starbucks from a friend and quality study time.
Watching Austin read one of my favorite books while I study.
And Mason Jars salad lunches. With a fork on a pocket knife. It's my version of cool :P